i love you , boy

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 ' 12:33 AM

#764

Thank you Mandy.

Seems it's always like this
Never ending
I can't stay away
And I take my chances
Put my heart out
Hopin' it won't break
When that moment comes
It wipes away all of the tears I've cried
As it takes me over
Elevates me here
Gives me wings to fly

Sometimes when nothin' turns out right
I wonder if it's worth the fight
Sometimes I wish that I could say
That I've had enough
Still I keep on goin' back for more
Cause there's one thing that I can't get tired of
And that's chasing love

We just give and give in hope of getting
Something in return
All the times I've fallen
Even though I knew that I'd get hurt
I'm still looking for you
Reachin' out
Still waiting for my turn

And wherever it may lead me I'll follow I'm there
I'm not givin' in I'm not givin' up
I've been waitin' all my life for this moment to share
I'll keep hangin' on and no matter what
I'll be chasing love

Goodbye. I'm not blogging anymore.

XOXO

Wednesday, April 08, 2009 ' 10:59 PM

#763

Listening to: Maybe Tomorrow by Stereophonics

I've got an overpowering urge to pack my bags, leave Singapore, leave everything behind and start a new life. There's something oddly comforting about being forced to be alone. I have no idea how I grew up to become such an idiot. When I was young I was the one making people upset and yet I didn't care. Is this karma full circle? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just probably my last entry here, then boom boom pow I'm gone.

Work's been enjoyable because of Cheong and the delicious food (: going out with friends has been good. The rest, simply awful. Here's one for the disney children:

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

Fairytales are so lovely because they give you hope. Pity, when we come of age we also become more realistic. Awwww, how sad.

XOXO

Friday, April 03, 2009 ' 1:21 AM

#762

Listening to: The Only Way I Know How To Feel by Boys Like Girls

Before you let me fall
Kill me so I don't feel it at all
Push my body up against the wall
And pick your poison
Cause everything feels wrong
And I don't know where I belong

Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cause I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cause that's the only way that I know how to feel

Maybe it's a phase
Maybe I'll break out of it someday
Maybe this is just my twisted fate
I always feel like everything is wrong
And I don't know where I belong

To feel your arms around my neck
I'm suffocating with regret
From all the wasted hours spent
Believing I was never meant
To touch the face of something real
These sewn up scars will never heal
But I put down a deal
Cause that's only way that I know how to feel

Someone told me once, that not knowing certain things will be better for you. Every single day, I understand that logic more, and more. When I first heard it, I was so skeptical toward that idea, because I just didn't believe that ignorance could be bliss. Touching on another point which a friend brought up, don't you feel somewhat awkward when you find out things about your friend, say Friend A from Friend B, where A is supposedly closer to you? You face this moment where you go "oh, I had no idea". I guess it works both ways, but on certain days, things just seem to crash down all around. You thought you mattered, but maybe you're worth so much lesser than that.

Thank goodness for you, Cheong!

XOXO

Monday, March 30, 2009 ' 11:56 PM

#761

Wreck of the Day (acoustic) - Anna Nalick

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces

And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough

I'm back to posting songs in every entry. Say hello to me. Why hello to you too.

Met Makmak at MOE because my babyyy collected my PQ from Mdm Ling for me, and met Cheong at NUS to submit our supporting documents. She accompanied me to my shop and chatted with me for one hour plus even though she was hungry and sick. Love you Cheongy!!! (: Get well soon and I'll see you on wednesday!

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up."
- Alex Karev in Grey's Anatomy S5E19: Elevator Love Letter

XOXO

Sunday, March 29, 2009 ' 11:54 PM

#760

Listening to: The Boy's Gone by Jason Mraz

Well I suppose we'll all make our judgement calls
We'll walk it alone, stand up tall, then march to the fall

This, one of my old songs that I've suddenly started listening a lot to recently. Don't you think the tune is so beautiful? It's like, perfect. Perfect for everything, anything. I love it.

Work has officially ended for me. For a while. Oh, actually I mean less than one day. Today I realised that I've been, and will be, working for 13 days straight. Starting from last Sunday, I worked every single day, all the way till this coming Friday at least. Cheongsam, old admin, cheongsam, new admin. Isn't my life exciting? I'll miss the cute malay boy who calls me "gorgeous". How cute, the only place where I felt loved. Kidding, but life was good there.

Very thankful to Makmak Tessa & Yx who visited me during work yesterday, and even helped me entertain an annoying customer. Thank god for them. They really help me through my toughest times. (: Cineleisure has the new BISHIBASHI MACHINE!!!! Yx & I played played played, super fun but we got all the difficult challenges. ): Played photohunt too, and now I know why her high score on Spot The Difference is so low. SHE SUCKS. There were a few rounds she just sat there while I spotted all 5 differences. HAHA. Dota nextttt then L4D! I felt super happy after that. I love playing games so superduper much I swear I have the mentality of a boy.

Goodbye Cliffy, have a safe trip! Some L4D when you come back! (:

XOXO

Saturday, March 28, 2009 ' 12:55 AM

#759

I'll bring this song to my dreams tonight.

XOXO

Monday, March 23, 2009 ' 11:00 PM

#758

Listening to: Tisbury Lane by Mae

Credits to Xiuru. (:

Please don't give up when it's easy
Don't you know that me and Jesus will cheer you on?
He's the only one who will be constantly everything you need

I'm actually still working at my administrative assistant job till this coming Friday. I extended my contract two weeks longer because I have been spending far too much money recently (Yes Tessa I know now, I spend money so easily!).

Last weekend, I went for both the NTU & NUS open houses with Mandy, Tessa Makmak Yixuan & Sam respectively. I thought that the talks and everything totally didn't benefit me, except maybe the nursing one. Until now I still haven't decided what courses to apply for. What a joke.

After the NUS open house, while Makmak had to leave for dinner, Yx Tessa Sam readily agreed to accompany me to the Charles & Keith warehouse sale even though they wanted to go to the IT Fair at first. I was very touched! (: You cannot imagine my excitement when I saw shoes at $9 so cheeeeap! But, I only bought a nude pair because most of them look ugly. There were nicer ones at much higher prices, of course. I bought myself a totally cute bag!! Very proud of myself because I found it buried under a stack of inferior bags. (: They are all inferior compared to MINE. Heehee. I slung it on my arm and asked the three if they thought I looked cute. You know when you ask people these kind of questions, you expect them to roll their eyes and insult you. Instead, they just stood there and nodded their head in all seriousness!!! I was amazed, truly amazed. HAHA. After witnessing that miracle, of course I had to get it. Only $19.90. (: Oh, bought a pretty white belt too, only $3 (sale price $5) because it was the last piece and had a stain somewhere, but still pretty and worth it!

To end off the perfect day, we went to Chompchomp for dinner! Had stingray, lala, sambal kangkong, carrot cake, chicken wings & sugarcane juice. The food was so scrumptious, Yixuan & I were the happiest girls that night, and so was my tummy Bobby.

I should summarize the rest of my week. Besides the fun and games, my pocket is like a crater now. Dined at three or four places where I had to spend $20+ on food alone, each. ): Plus all the shopping I did... Think I spent $200 or so!

1) Monday, took half day leave and met Amelia & Clifton in town, before going down to OCC to visit our juniors at bowling camp in the evening. Had a good time catching up with the two jokes. (: I bought a new pair of jeans at F21 for only $33! :D When Clifton, Javier & I went to the bowling alley, all the old memories came back and we realised how much we truly missed the sport. I guess if I never DSA-ed, I would have ended up in SAJC. How different my life would be.

2) Tuesday, Bukit Timah Saddle's Club with Yixuan Christina Steven Enshen Sampson. I had some spicy pasta, can't remember the exact name. Food was good, except the disgusting Blue Cheese on Mushroom appetizer. It felt like I was eating vomit. Played L4D at cineleisure after that. Obviously I played with the girls since the boys thought they were too good for us. We were such losers you know!!! We were stuck at this place for at least fifteen minutes because I didn't realise that you were supposed to shoot the gasoline tank to clear the way to the next area. Anyway, the two lousies gave up and abandoned me to play by myself because they were dizzy already. Haha! When I finally made it to the next area, I was so proud of myself until I got killed by the Tanker, twice. ):

3) Thursday, Timbre with Carey Karen Andy Gavin Shawn Weeyong. THE FOOD WAS AWESOME. I must have ate half a pizza all by myself because I was starving and it was just, sooooooo good. I ordered Pink Tulip, a mocktail, which tasted just like a Shirley Temple. Then! I ordered Timbre Wings which were so so yummy! Totally wanna go there soon again just to eat. We missed the band because we wanted to leave earlier to play LAN. Oh, saw SA7 there too! No LAN & no L4D in the end because Paradiz was packed. One of the shops were filled with army boys. You could see whole rows of baldies playing. Another shop was half-filled with girls playing L4D. How awesome are we, girls?

4) Friday, took half day leave again! Had buffet lunch at Cocoa and ate till Bobby was about to burst. Caught Watchmen after that, I'll rate it 3 stars out of 5, just for the "visionary directing". I thought the storyline was really screwed. Too gruesome for my innocent eyes. Hahaha.

5) Saturday night, Calvin's birthday dinner at Oomphaticos, a really pretty place I had never heard of before. Had yummy BBQ pork sandwich! Was too full to order anything else. Caught The Legend Of Chun-Li after with Stef Xin Calvin Enshen Yanxun, which I thought was like one of the worst movies ever. With Kristen Kreuk acting, you would expect it to be decent. But boy, Edmund Chen acted as Chun-Li's father and it felt like I was watching a Singaporean film with him on-screen. Anyway the plot was a mess. After the end of the show, I still didn't know what was happening. The lines were stupid and cheesy, and the fighting scenes were just lame. Oh and another thing, there weren't subtitles even when they were speaking mandarin & german or whatever. How awful for the boys, haha. L4D to perk up the night woohoo! It was hilarious because the four of us kept dying at the last place where we had to wait for the helicopter, died 3 times I think. The last time, only Stef was saved. -_- Nice joke. Damn Smoker and Tanker killed me. Decided to play CS then Es & I totally owned Calvin & Stef HAHA. 30-15 or something?

Happy birthday Calvin! (:

6) Sunday, back to one day of Cheongsam work, got my two days' pay & met Karen, Priscilia & Andy. I bought two tops, sigh. But one for $10 only so cheap right!!! Hahaha. Bought cheesy curry chicken from Chippy's & had dessert at Slice. I love eating. (:

P.S. Besides the aforementioned belt, shoes, bag, jeans & two tops that I bought, I also bought two dresses and a top online. I am so ashamed of myself. Please stop me from shopping when you go out with me.

P.P.S. I typed this whole entry out when I was at work because I was bored to death. Reallyyy hate it when I have nothing to do. This beats sleeping at my table, right. I was sleeping until I realised how unproductive I look. Although the fact is, all my work is already done.

Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle
So that's what I'm praying for

XOXO